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Caelum Sky - Chapter 40

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Caelum Sky – Chapter 40

"Let me out!" There was a dull thump at the very non-assuming door as Cempe only moved slightly, arms crossed with her back to the new, makeshift dungeon. We were back at home, back underground in our corner of Hell. With my loss to Michael, I was to only bring 3200 demons, while he was to bring a fruit medley of 5600 angels and angelic otherkin; I'd lose. For my big push back after all those others had been lost with my geriatric imprisonment, for that grand revolt into the middle ground of the world, I'd lose. I'd need better fighting techniques next time; I didn't always lose. "You stupid fakers, let me out!" Raziel bellowed like a spoiled teenager as my sister whipped around back to the door, easily frustrated by this mess.

"Trust me Christopher, the injuries I'll leave on you will be very, very real! Shut up!" Her eyes slid back to my direction, slumped against the wall with my arms folded. I perked to attention as she was curt and annoyed, "What did I tell you? You let some immature brat like him in, let him learn the truth about us, and now we've got to babysit him and keep him silent. Money doesn't work for this sort of thing, so fix this problem!" She pointed at the door for emphasis as he threw himself against it again.

"We can't fix this." I said softly; contemplative, "I've been trying to 'fix this' for almost ten years now.  It's a lesson in when to intervene, and when to butt the fuck out. We need to do the latter."



My head was filled with the voice of St. Michael, talking with him earlier up top while both Cempe and Raziel had darted back underground. With the barrier lifted, with the fight over and the reset completed, the three of us were left standing around like an unofficial queue.

"What are you going to do with him?" He had asked, putting the two swords away and taking the Fleur du Lis with him while he was at it. I continued to look at the spot where they both went underground, staring at it in a far away sense of loss, just like I had when Cempe had snapped him in half the first time. The feeling was the same too; that everything was broken and shattered around me.

"There's options" I said slowly, taking a long, deep breath. "Lots of options that I don't want to use, other options he'd never go for, and lots more that are terribly depressing." I turned back to the Saint, who was busy picking off dirt and debris from his arms.  He almost smiled as I waited for him to speak up, jumping to conclusions all on his own.

"Are you looking for my input as a friend?" He said with stars practically in his eyes. I scoffed.

"I figure you deserve a say in this as well" I turned completely around to him, arms folded, "Since you were the one keeping our penalties light, weren't you? " There was an actual smile this time, almost a sort of wide-toothed gawking guffaw to accompany it as the saint practically giggled.

"That noticeable?"

"The old-lady curse was a dead giveaway, that's got 'you' written all over it." I grinned, turning serious, "But others are noticing it too, your people are putting the two together; Raziel suspected, Gauzier practically figured it out."  Michael's face went serious as well, nodding once and looking away.

"I'll fix that."



I shook my head a little, snapping back to Cempe in front of me now, livid and angry at this problem on our hands while yelling at the door. I frowned. Our problem to fix. Everyone's problem to fix. Michael would fix his problems, I had my own to deal with. Fixing. Everyone seemed to need something fixed. Something started to gnaw at my brain with passionate vigor, chewing up my thoughts and regurgitating them in the same mess I've always mulled over.  What the hell was a 'fix', anyhow? Blanket statements barely covered this at all.

"Here! This is how we should fix this!" She summoned the Decempedia to her hand, pretending to stab a fictitious Raziel and proceed to beat him to a bloody fictitious pulp.   She looked to me for a reaction, for a laugh of some sort; it fell short, in no mood to joke. She craned her head back to the door, "You hear that? That's what we're going to do to you if you don't learn to shut your damn mouth!"

"You stupid monsters!" He shouted back, throwing himself back against the door a few more times as my frown pulled farther and farther back, driving into frustration.  Without discussing 'the plan' or figuring how to really 'fix' this problem, I walked towards the door, weaving around my sister to open it up between thumps. He was right there, shoulder out, ready to try and knock down the door with relentless drive to escape. Frowning again I grabbed a hold of his shoulder, taking him off-balance immediately as I just pushed him easily to the middle of the dungeon, shutting the door once more.

"Lock it." I called out to Cempe as the metal slid into place. The dungeon was barely lit; a small off-shoot of a room that had at one point been rather pleasant, rosy and nice. Now it resembled a slimy slant of rock, volcanic cavern of a tiny lava flow of some sort. It was a dismal, dark little place. Raziel looked confused, trying to find that ember of anger to keep this fit up.

"You! You're the last person I want to see right now, why…why would you…" He stopped,  stuttering, looking back to the door and back to me, trying to figure this out, figure what my angle was; my catch. "Tell her to open it up, let me out." He demanded, pointing at me.  I ignored him, letting go of his shoulder to look despondently at the walls, trying to find a place to sit down at, trying to gain a bit of perspective.  He looked a little confused when I didn't answer back, furrowing his eyebrows. He started to say something, pointing to the door as his hand hung around with no dialogue, unsure.  

Huffing a little more he walked back to the door, pressing against it, "What'd you do to her?"

"Nothing! What'd you do?" Cempe yelled back, muddled.

With my legs folded into a sort of cross-legged style, I leaned my elbows to my knees. Closing my eyes, I shut off my sight and just relied on the sounds I could make out, that I could understand. Many people believed that most of language communicated was all non-verbal; that maybe I'd be able to get a better idea without having to antagonize, without having to meddle any longer. Raziel remained standing there, you could hear his feet scuffing a little on the ground with his shifting back and forth before it picked up to short steps. Confusion practically radiated off of him as his steps came right in front of me; I could hear clothes swishing just a bit.  The movements were fast; anxiety. Basically all I'd expect from someone in this exact situation, nothing from the ordinary. No closer to an answer; I sighed once.

"So what, you come back in here to try and convince me to become a demon like your boyfriend or something?"  He laughed as he said it; I believe he was trying a very dry sort of joke, a light jab. I didn't laugh. I remained quiet, re-adjusting my back a little to put my head lower. Raziel's type of laugh quieted.

"What, are you out of things to say?" His tone cut up a little sharply, "Or are you hiding more things from me?" This too ended on a laugh, to try and convince me the meaning wasn't as harsh or as angry as it was said.  I remained completely silent, no smile, head bent down, trying to absorb this situation best I could.

"Wait, no, I got it, Saint Michael's your dad, right?" He said sarcastically, tone dulling as he turned away from me, wandering about the room, still confused and on edge.  My ears snapped back in annoyance.

"Please be quiet."  The laughing stopped as you could feel the tension skyrocket back up in a heartbeat.

"Or what? What the hell are you trying to prove?" He shuffled around some more, unable to leave, unwilling to stay here. It raised other questions.  "Are you just sitting here to show the others your great and fantastic mercy?"  I opened my eyes, slowly scorching the land around him with the intense-death-like glare I sported as I sluggishly settled on his face. That arrogance fell away immediately as the fallen angel took a half step away.

"If you hate me so much, why do you keep talking to me?" I said above a whisper, stating it as simplistic as it was meant to come out. Raziel squinted, back to confusion.  "I always wonder why people continue do to things, even when common sense points to doing just the opposite." I went back to bowing to the ground, head almost bobbing in and out of sleep.  Paul had the luxury of time to recover while I had to deal with this all on barely any energy. The situation demanded it.

"Human condition tells us that if hitting yourself with a hammer hurts, you stop. It should dictate that for every rational decision one makes. For example, 'Nona has screwed over every part of my life, I should probably stop associating with Nona'."  I pulled away from my little meditative sit, leaning more against the wall.  "Yet you're still talking to me. Why do you think that is? " I didn't wait for an answer, going on without him.

"They're telling me to fix this. " I could see him stand up a little straighter. I crossed my arms as Raziel stood unsurely in front of me; looking around like I was trying to capture it on hidden camera.  

"Fix…me?"

"Fix 'this.'"  I shook my head out a little, eyes locked on an unimportant piece of wall. "Apparently that means I'm supposed to kill you off, pretend this never happened."  I was aware of the tension and fear in the air, the distrust that was almost palpable as a visible thing. But there was something else there besides the overused threat of death and dismay. I switched to contemplating with one arm, leaning slightly off to the side to stare at the wall behind him as the fallen angel didn't move a single inch.

"Are…Are you?"  He broke after a while, head swiveling back to the other wall, taking a step away from me as I answered without a pause.

"Well, of course." I almost laughed saying it, "Right after I finish the pile of fetuses in my room, and after I spend the next shift weaving strings of life for the entire continent of Asia. After that, I'll get right on it." I smiled at the awkwardness, grinned at the same social intrepidation that had always been there. Living around my sisters put everything into a bland universe, no chance for misinterpretation, no miscommunication since we all knew the same things, more or less the same type of people.  Settling down I found him still not joking, still confused, wary, arms halfway to his stomach like he was ready to strike back if I changed my mind.  Seeing that fear, that anger still there, it killed my elevated mood, folding my arms back to lean against the wall, calming down back where I started, "The door is open."

"I heard you tell Cempe to lock it…" he took a cautious step closer to me, edging for the door; I pulled my feet back a little to give him room, "I heard it lock."

"Well, I'm telling you that I believe it's open."  He started to say something else, walking hastily for the door to have the handle jiggle, and nothing more. Raziel scoffed sarcastically.

"Well, I believe it's still locked like I said." He said shortly, looking back like this was another dirty trick I'd planned ten years ago.

"And that's why it stays locked, because you believe it is." I shifted my seat just a bit, "But if you believe it's open, it will be open- it's not a real lock. You think we get a damn locksmith down here to open these things up if we forget the fictitious keys?  You know, in Hell?"  Raziel jiggled the handle again with no luck.

"I suppose this is your way to try and explain things? To, you know," he wiggled his fingers around, patronizing how I spoke, "get me to understand and accept this ridiculous afterlife scenario?"

"No 'Demon curse' is going to make you understand if you keep wiggling your fingers like that. Though maybe you can try it on the door, see if black magic and unicorn farts work on the lock. " I sat back into a cross-legged position, voice going soft as Raziel continued to pull on the door. "But no, I've given up."  The pulling stopped.

"Given up?"  He turned his head a little, "You've been at this for how long, and you're giving up now?"

"Apparently that's too long.  So yeah, congratulations, you're free to do what you want. I won't intervene anymore."  I shifted nervously again in my seat, now the one acting like a standoff-ish little teenager. I didn't like to admit that I'd screwed up, that I had nothing more to give, that this whole situation hurt more than it really should have.  But I had to learn when to let go; I had to learn when free will was the only thing that anyone could count on; that it was the only thing people retained in life and death, that it was constant. "I'd get you a cake but they don't deliver here." I mumbled.

Raziel turned more to me, almost disgusted, or revolted, shaking his head in disbelief.

"So that's it?"

"That's it."  I picked at my toenails nervously, "That's my fix."

"What about those who want you to…you know, kill me?"  I got defensive in a heartbeat.

"Fuck 'em. They got a problem with it, they can come to me. There's no set way to go about this, so they can stuff their opinions in a sack if they don't like it."  There was a moment of silence before the door suddenly clicked open, like the lock believability suddenly dissolved. I almost smiled at it as the angel leapt back, shocked at more than just the door opening up to an surprised Cempe on the outside.  He pushed the door open a little farther, closing it as Cempe's angry face was just on the other side of it, cursing into the crack of the door.

"Won't that hurt your precious image?" I did everything in my power to bite my lip, keep my calm. I was generally quite a calm person, liked to have that cool head about impossible situations. But this just hurt, over and over again, like fervent little strikes across my face.  Verbal slaps.

"Possibly, why do you care?"  I grumbled a little more, teen angst brewing like fresh coffee, "It doesn't concern you.  That's the problem I have now. That's easier to fix then this… whole mess was. I couldn't fix that, couldn't… I failed that, but I can still…"  I could feel myself starting to crack, trying to hold steady and keep myself together. C'mon Nona, buck up, this wasn't the first time this has happened, and it wouldn't be the last. My breathing grew more regular, calming back down, but my hand began to shake nervously.  I could feel him watching me; trying to read just what the hell I was feeling, trying to figure it out on his own. I didn't need him to pity me. I didn't need that.  


With a start he turned back to the door, sticking his head outside of it to face Cempe directly.

"She's letting me leave, so go away."

"What? You impertinent, immature little shit, she might let you get away, but I sure as hell won't!" The door slammed shut, vicious scrabbling sounds and the desperate sounds of the lock holding its place. Part of me smiled, just a bit.  "Open this door, right now!"  I could hear him laugh, at least huff happily at the lock in a shade of disbelief that the crazy ramblings I had been spitting out were true, that it worked.

"That is nice…" He pulled his hands away from the lock as the door rattled again and again, an exasperated, annoyed growl penetrated through the thick walls; Cempe retreating.  The sounds dulled to nothing, to shallow breathing and occasional foot-scuffing, the awkwardness of this whole situation contained in a single room.  My thoughts went back to my protest in the utility room of Raziel's quarters, how I had shut myself away in there, how I was content with hurting no one, how I wasn't bothering anyone in the first time since I came up top. Looking around me now, I could see myself doing the same thing; but this time my problem was right here in the room with me.  I pulled my knees closer to my chest, thinking; making myself as tiny as I could get. Internally, I was an emotional little nightmare; the words 'fail fail fail' circulating around fast enough to spin their own current. I wanted this to be over, I wanted things to go back how they were, I wanted everyone to be happy and nothing more.

"I don't hate you. Stop assuming I do."  

My eyes popped open, the fail-tornado stopping as the only thing I could hear was the despondent echo of his words. My tight-wound self broke apart, letting go of my knees to turn to him as the angel was half facing the door, half facing me.

"Not to say I appreciate what you've put me through, but I don't hate you.  That's why I keep talking to you." He rolled his hand like a lecturing teacher, bracing the other arm against the wall, trying to make this heartfelt moment as nonchalant as possible, "Kinda like you trying to get revenge on me that first time. I want to feel like I've gotten even with you- I want you to know I'm upset." He turned back towards the door, hand bracing on it softly, trying to be sneaky.

"We've been through too much anyways." I could hear the door lock slide jaggedly from the frame, opening this dungeon cellar carefully and silently. "I keep trying to hate you, but you fuck it up and do considerate things" I scuffed up a laugh at that, taking those breaths, genuinely relieved. Raziel turned back with a smile before his face was back to the door, opening it up with no Cempe in sight. Cautiously scanning outside the door the fallen angel suddenly slipped out, gone from the dungeon without a second word to that.  In that awkward silence, I pulled my knees back towards me.  No more meddling, I had to stop. I could hear his footsteps grow farther away as I sat, bothering no one.



My thoughts flashed back to Michael and I's conversation up top, debating the options I had in this matter. I had started to walk back towards the portal down to hell, the leftover hole from Cempe's jagged form when I stopped, toes digging a little into the ground nervously while my thoughts demanded I speak up. "I… may… need your help with this." They were fumbled, unimportant words, under spoken and out of place.  St. Michael laughed more now, an audible, thundering thing that took me off guard.

"See, now I know you're going soft, asking for my help." He started quieting down as my mind was occupied in thought, trying to figure a way to resolve this out. "Means a lot to you, doesn't he?"  I stopped, sighing a bit and tossing my head left and right. I hated super observant people like this, no mystery left in the world with a gaggle of them around to point out every detail. I suppose I was one of them, though. Maybe that's what frustrated me, associating with versions of myself constantly. No variation.


"Hey" Raziel's voice interrupted my thoughts, big, block-like head of his stuck back in the door, face scrunched up like the very world around him reeked to high hell, "You coming?"



The two of us walked around hell like some grand, fabled estate; I didn't say much, didn't give answers longer then two words while I pointed out and labeled the various attractions here around us. I didn't intend to sound despondent and uncaring, but I had no real idea how to handle this anymore. There was no place for Raziel here in hell, go up top, and there's no place on earth where he wouldn't be hunted down and eradicated like the rest of us. With the grand ceremony of his falling, how big of a deal they all made that day, he wouldn't be welcomed there, either. He had no place to live; and in all my leagues of irony throughout the years, I was the one who took that all away from him, just as I had screamed at him, exorcised from Amber and Katherine's house.  Karma had a way of biting people in that ass like that.

We stopped alongside Styx, regarding over the bubbling magma river like the clearest blue waters you'd ever seen. A partially disfigured face floated by, tongue-meat bubbling out of his eyes to mingle with the lava around him.  I cringed.

"This… is all fake too?" He asked, voice as disgusted as I felt, trying to shake off the nasty little surprises hell had in store.  I nodded, snapping a little more to attention as one of the jagged hellbirds swooped close overhead, screeching out loud enough to make my ears ring. We stood at the corner of the Moirae plot, which segmented most of the other chambers of hell until detail all but erased from sight. "It's an, uh…expansive lie."

"It's a conglomerate of fake." I said, ambling along the sides of the river like I tempted the souls themselves by walking in front of them, " Over the course of even a hundred years, the way this place changes based on ideas and stigmas is actually kinda fascinating. Like recently, you get a good movie that the world sees with its own idea of hell, and this place starts flickering around like mad. Makes everything terribly unorganized and a bit of a mess. That's what Cempe keeps track of, tries to bring that order into whatever stupid Hollywood ploy comes by to fuck everything up." I laughed a little more, bending a knee to the river.

"But some constants remain. Styx has been here since the golden ages, and everyone seems to do just fine figuring it into the equation." I ran my hand into the molten lava, seeing Raziel jump behind me as I pulled my hand back out, unscathed.  "It's actually cold. We're not close enough to any active volcanoes, so it's really just rock like everything else.  We used to get a kick out of jumping into the river for shits and giggles, and then used it as a ploy to explain our great, mystical power." Another dismembered head rolled close to my hand as I leaned away from the river, back to my knees.

"Hi there." The head said, one lazy eye snaking in my position as I quickly rolled it back to being face down in the lava. After a moment of consideration, I pushed it farther into the river, away from me.


"When you figured this all out, what'd you do?"   I looked back to him, brushing my hands off on my pants; I was stuck being the full nine feet tall with all these witnesses about. It wasn't a terribly populated area, but more than just a few souls watched us here.  Smirking, I looked about like the answers were written on the walls.

"There wasn't a set event that told everything; this life kinda evolved the same way the chicken and the egg do, alongside one another over a span of many years." I squinted, trying hard to remember back, "But when I finally got a grasp on how everything worked, or at least started to, I went through the whole range of emotions. I freaked out for about thirty years, then held it over everyone's head like a royal asshole, then regretted the life I lead for a while before generally accepting it.  Right now, I use it to my advantage best I can, but I feel that I hide from it more then I really should. For some reason, I'm happy to be at that medium."

"Of hiding?"

"Ignorance is bliss."  I looked over to the soul caverns, the same place I had escaped from, that wandering skeletal conga line. The rocks around it barely contained the ruddy red smoke wafting about, the demons flying in tight circles, the undulating, constant twisting line that went about infinitely. "Back at that time, I went into new lives often. I didn't like knowing what I did; I needed that ignorance, that break."  Raziel walked closer to me, turning his head a little at the millions and millions of lost, confused souls.

"How'd this all start, anyways?"  I laughed as he clarified, "How'd you get this job?"  Finally, those 'big picture' questions. It was about damn time.


"I came from the unexplained parts of the life around me. That curious desire to know why things worked, how the rain fell, how the sun rose time and time again," I spread my hand across the caverns like I could paint the landscape with my words. "Most of us came from that, regular souls who take that extra step in death to try and discover those same mysteries that plagued you in life. In doing so, you make your own explanation; you become your own answer. Depending how dedicated your results were, how your actions in death were received with the living, that made your outcome." Raziel slowly lowered one eyebrow as I stopped talking, suddenly using my hands vibrantly to help explain.

"I know it's kinda cryptic, trust me, there's no clear way of really explaining this shit. I've tried." I turned away from him, staring back to the death and dismay all around me. "I was always curious on what happened to a person after death, formed my own ideas. The village obviously thought I was a bit touched in the head. When I did kick the bucket I found other souls in death with the same ideas. Feeling like I knew more, or had a better grasp of the situation, they appoint me as leader. When a big enough gathering made this known to the world of the living, little myths and stories start popping up. Those get popular, basic Greek religion starts falling into place, and I find myself as some sorta death-god with no real basis." I laughed again at the madness that this all came out sounding like.

"That's actually where the Colus came from; used the basic form of the goats and other animals sacrificed in my honor to manifest that energy into a sort of weapony---distaff…thing." I suddenly looked back to Raziel; he still seemed somewhat interested, not letting this go off on deaf ears.  I turned back to the river, "Over the years, I made modifications. Pushed my boundaries, tested limits." …Broke friendships, abandoned family…ran away from home… I frowned, continuing back on track.

"Worked hard to find the meaning in death; when this all came together, I finally did find that meaning; that life is better. That's where things count." My tone grew sad, almost, "Death's important, but that living, breathing life, that's center stage."

"Why don't you go back?" He said bluntly. I grinned.

"I do. Best medicine for an inflated ego." My smile fell away, "But I know that I have a job down here; I don't get to enjoy the full experience, just where I'm supposed to be in age; so I never lose who I am. That's the up-side of things, but I don't get to see much of that life. That's why I spend all my time up-top as I can, generally being neglectful of my duties."  We both kinda quieted down, staring off at opposing features as the land around me was starting to grow boring. If I had a little more energy I'd jump to someplace nice, maybe the top of a wind- turbine or sit at the top of Mount Everest.  Like this, the best I could hope for would be to pull my weary butt into my room and watch the mushrooms glow like a substitute sky.

"What…he said about being an immature soul" Raziel looked up to me, "Is that true?" My ears fell a little lower.

"It's quite true."  Raziel immediately began to protest.

"So even though I've grown up through here, that I'm four hundred and some-odd years old…"

"It's not the same as growing up in the existing world. Hormones develop the brain more, mature the soul, I suppose."  I could see him slump where he stood, "Dying before those have a chance to take effect leaves you immature."

"You're immature too"

"Oh, I'm not denying that, but it's a choice, not a condition." I immediately tried to recall my words as Raziel seemed to slump more and more. "There are worse things in this world, Raziel, try not to let it get to you."  My words breezed right through him.

"So even with the grayish hair…"

"Sorry." I smirked a little, sitting alongside the banks. Damn what the others thought.  After a moment, he joined me.

"I don't suppose there's any way to fix that?"  His voice was low, but immediately jumped up in tone, "I mean, a way that lets me keep living this life?"

"No, I'm afraid not.  What's done is done."  I was fidgeting where I sat, trying so hard to keep my options under wraps, to keep what I had set up just in case he asked me. I wasn't going to meddle. I had to take that step away, had to allow people to make their own decisions, their own faults, let people fall.  I of all people should know that best, but I was always wandering into situations that didn't need me there, always adding whatever input I had to influence the world again and again. But here, I had to stop, had to know when to pull back.  This anxiety practically led me to bouncing in my seat with a slightly delirious look on my face, trying not to blurt out what 'I think he should do.' No. No more. Had to let life be, had to keep my damn mouth shut. This obviously didn't fool the angel for a breath of a second.

"Why do I have the feeling that you do know how to fix this?"  Raziel glared. My eyes shot farther open, before squinting, just barely, looking out directly in front of me.  I felt like I was going to pop.  "Why can I plainly see you trying to hide this and doing a piss-poor job of it? From whatever part of the tether that's left, it's like I'm hooked up to a crack addict" My mouth clenched tighter, shaking my head a little and refusing to spit it out.

"So you do know something!" He stood up, grabbing onto one of my horns and shaking my head around in frustration. "What is it?" Tell me!"  

"I'm not going to meddle anymore!" I spit out as he only shook my horn more violently.

"This isn't god damn Scooby doo, tell me what you know!"

"I'm not going to keep dictating your life, I refuse!"

"Well, obviously you have options, so tell me what you know!" My neck was starting to get sore.

"Alright, alright, stop!" I waved my one hand up, kinda pushing him and hitting him upside the head at the same time as he let go. Opening my mouth to speak I stopped,  feeling myself being watched, eyes darting nervously to those around us; a few nosy guard-demons had stopped their duties, or clung to the walls to watch, eyes keen on him and I.  I snapped back to attention. "Return to your posts!" I barked out at them; it scared all but one away, still arrogantly clung to the cavern's walls, eyes like saucers in its head.

"Go!" I stood up from where I sat, screeching across the caverns as it remained glued to the walls, shuffling a little but making no real progress to leave. I growled, jumping into the Colus form immediately to shoot myself over to its position in one wing-beat, large, reptilian claws taking massive chunks out of the cavern walls as I perched myself over it in a better demanding position. "Leave. There WILL be no more chances after this" I bared my teeth at the creature as it scattered in an instant, shooting wildly back to its post nearly three caverns away. I huffed at the creature once, launching back to Raziel.  The black smoke dissolved into the air around me as I landed back on my somewhat-human feet, letting the rest of the energy spread out for a tasteful landing. My body was heavy to me, tired.

"Back inside?" He pointed to the grand column entrance some ways back.  I nodded warily.

"Maybe."  I started trudging back towards the columns, a fair distance away. Raziel was right up to keep pace next to me in a sort of half-jog.

"What. IS. It." He hissed again, eyes locked on the side of my face; you could practically hear that will breaking.

"Rebirth" I said shortly, scowling at those around me and trying to make this peaceful offering as tense as possible. I was so very run-down by keeping up this ruse, far too much face-time for me to handle in such a crowded amount of time. I missed the outside world, badly. Raziel watched around us as well, keeping his voice low.

"But… that's heaven-only."  He watched my eyes intently as I said nothing more, only raising an eyebrow and tilting my head a little. His face blanked, leaning closer to shake his head, "Right?"

"Present soul only." I frowned just a little more, "That's the catch."  I looked back to the Fate entrance, still a good eight or nine hundred yards away; my head snapped to those around me, gawking still as my trudging walk was panning into a public march. I needed damage control. Growling, I grabbed Raziel's head and shot us back into the base, past the barriers and into that first atrium gilded floor to ceiling with fictitious gold.

My skin tingled with residual energy, hands on my knees quickly to gasp for air. Raziel mimicked alongside, trying to recover enough to speak, half taken back if my wild assumptions understood anything.

"That's… how is that…?"

"You don't keep any of these memories. That's what you wanted, right?" I coughed, standing back up straight to drop to the regular height. "That way you can forget this whole ridiculous afterlife scenario ever happened, life a full life for once, make your own future without my interference."  My voice grew quiet again.

"Everybody's happy." Bullshit. I wouldn't be happy. I'd lose another friend, a confidant, another contact that I cherished. Those were some of my greatest joys in this life; not the power, the fame, the influence I had to turn the tide as I generally saw fit; it wasn't the leadership responsibilities at all. It was having that connection with another person on a deeper level, being able to tell them anything without it being taboo, without being frowned upon. I tried to smile. It wasn't just like I was losing a friend; it was like I grew that bit more inhuman, insensitive to the world. I'd lost so many; mostly my own children.  That was perhaps the biggest wound that I could ever truly express in this job. Those loved from life turning away, living their life on without me to see again, and having no ideas where their mother went after life.

But eventually everyone goes back into that life-pool, most too segmented to remember anything but the life they just lead, the fragmentation of their souls into obscurity, all but myself and a few others. Maybe that was worse punishment then I could ever put myself through. My smile quivered, a shaky and unsteady thing.  

"Nothing?" Raziel suddenly slumped heavily against the wall. I looked back at him as his eyes were wide and excited, not the exact response I was looking for. No. No more. No more meddling. I had to stick to that.  If this made him happy, that should make me happy too. My plastic smile didn't change, corners of my mouth working hard to remain positive.  His face suddenly clouded with worry, "But, won't I lose who I am?"

"From life to life, that personality is the undying constant. You'd still be you."  I muttered, leaning against the wall. "It's just an option. Like I said before, you're free to do what you want."

"I'll take it." He said without hesitation. My horns felt like they could slide off the back of my head.

"What?" I turned around to him, brooding lost momentarily by shock.

"It's the best option. I'll take it." He said a little more carefully, looking back to me as I couldn't figure what to do with myself, sliding a little on the wall before I stood back up straight. I couldn't believe this. "When can we do this? Can we go now?" my mouth flapped like an open door.
Idiot! Do it for his happiness, not yours! Buck up! Keep it together! Like a squirming mass of eels, I tried my best to hold onto that façade. I should be good at it.  I smiled.

"Yeah, absolutely…let me just…uh…get a few things. Stay here." I grinned, nodding excessively as I turned away from the atrium, walking calmly towards my room. My feet plodded rhythmically as I got farther away before my steps became more disorganized. I started stumbling, barely walking, going faster, faster. I had to be happy, had to keep positive; this is what he wanted. Restraint in other's free will, I had to learn to let go. I had to be patient.  Have that calm, collected mind. Had to be a leader, had to be strong. By the time I got to that door, I was about ready to throw the whole thing away. All of it.

I ducked inside that pitch black room to the soft, soothing waterfall that calmed so many of my worries whenever they arose, quieting down my generally noisy, raucous soul. It was where I came to think, came to relax, came to unwind. Now was not one of those times. As the door slid closed, I broke down alongside it, sobbing out in loud, wrecked cries that muffled to stale air with the soundproof door; just like I had designed it to do.
Chapter 39: [link]

Chapter 41: [link]


#1, this chapter is brought to you by the letter " GIANT I"

Secondly, this isn't the last chapter. That'll be 41. Officially. I was going to cram it into this chapter, but it'd wreck...flow...and...poise...and other fartsy literary things like that.

But this chapter is pretty heavy. I really enjoyed writing this one. (I enjoy writing them all, but like a bad mother, i'm partial to more of one type then the others)

Ohhh Raziel, you selfish son-ma-bish.

Anyways, i was thinking of writing vignettes from the other side of this coin, from Raziels POV. They wouldn't be included with publication, and it wouldn't be ALL of the story. Maybe one chapter out of 1-7, another out of 8-16, etc etc. Something that you guys would choose. Fan servic-y stuff. But only if it's something people would be interested in.

BUT YES. Next chapter is the last one. Worse come to worse, it'll be next chapter plus an epilogue. All of it's important, don't you flake out on me now!
© 2010 - 2024 ALRadeck
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Carter1215's avatar
This has been so cool to the veary end.... now... TO THOU LAST PART!!!!!!!